psalm 139

My dear friend Mary posted this on her blog a few weeks ago. I go back and read it so often that I decided to place it upon mine. Thanks Mar…you are a kindred spirit.

 

my Lord God, i have no idea where i am going.
i do not see the road ahead of me.
i cannot know for certain where it will end.
nor do i really know myself, 
and the fact that i think that i am following your will 
does not mean that i am actually doing so.
but i believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
and i hope i have that desire in all that i am doing.
i hope that i will never do anything apart from that desire.
and i know that if i do this you will lead me by the right road,
though i may know nothing about it.
therefore will i trust you always, 
though i may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
i will not fear, for you are ever with me, 
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

| thomas merton |

repeat

this song speaks to me more than most things currently. Encouragement for transitions and life’s circumstances that can be wearisome and make the heart sick. Thank you Bethel Church.

come to me

“I am the Lord your God, I go before you, I stand beside you, and I’m all around you.

Though you feel I’m far away, I’m closer than your breath, I am with you, more than you know.”

[bethel]

The last 7-8 days have been unreal. I remember coming home for mothers day, like a million other children, yet I came with an additional gift for my mom. Hey mom! Take care of me!!! I’m sick! And soon enough, I was diagnosed with Mono, RIGHT on mothers day. Good grief. And so from there I went, drove back up to Seattle, and attempted to work at church that evening, but failed miserably. However, when Eric our worship pastor at Bethany started singing Cornerstone, I couldn’t help but weep because of the raw emotion I experienced that day, going back into the doctor for what seemed like the millionth time in the last 2 years. I’ve never been good at going to the doctor, getting blood drawn, getting shots, surgery, blah blah blah.

All that being said, this last week was a interesting one. Pain meditation along with 4 other medications, fevers, and nothing but sleep and more sleep. I was virtually horizontal for 20 hours of every day, and it was a pretty humbling experience. Bringing life to almost a complete stand-still is not in my skill set, and letting people take care of me is not something I am good at either…so I had to take a breath, sometimes moment by moment, and realize that I can’t do everything on my own. I DO however have amazing people in my life who have been with me every step of this journey thus far. My wonderful mother came up for 4 days to help me around the house and cook food for me, my boyfriend drew has literally given up his social life, to sit by me and stroke my hair, wipe tears, and tell me everything will be okay, and my sister, close friends and housemates have taken time to bring flowers or make me food or just make me laugh. All have been so helpful and has helped to keep the soul well.

That’s a little update on me. I don’t know whats ahead for this mono nonsense…how this sickness will effect me the next couple weeks, or how long I will have to lay low, but this I do know, if God can bring me through 6 months of immobility, I’m sure I can get through mono. God has been faithful thus far, and has provided people, even at times when I don’t want anyone’s help.

Thank you Jesus for being gracious with my stubbornness and desires to plow through everything. I give this time of sickness to you. Do with it what you will in my life, and teach me to trust you more.

“Come to me, I’m all you need” –bethel

Yeah, this is definitely the Quatier motto

“get up early, stay up late, change the world. Yep.” –Kim Walker

a song of my week

You are the source of life
I can’t be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There’s no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

My heart is yours for life
I need your hand in mine
No one else will do
I put my trust in You
I need u Jesus come to my rescue
Tell me where else can I go?
There’s no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

This world has nothing for me

[rescue: desperation band]

amen. come lord jesus.

they say beauty is…

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,

because that is the doorway to her heart,

the place where love resides.

[audrey hepburn]

breathe

This is a pretty short and simple post, but I know I haven’t been on in awhile, so I thought I’d share whats been on my mind lately. Last weekend I had the privilege to do some filming for my professor’s up and coming, and now officially released book called “Fresh Air”. It’s about our understanding of Holy Spirit, and quite frankly has flipped my world upside down as far as my faith is concerned. It’s a blessing to see how my interaction with Holy Spirit has shifted, and has been made so much more real as a result of taking a class with him last year, and then spending a whole other year with some of those same classmates, discussing and wrestling with Holy Spirit understanding…via email chains, or dinners spent together. I feel so honored to be apart of this video and apart of this book. In my favorite chapter, Dr. Levison paints a beautiful picture with Ezekiel and the valley of the dry bones, and how Holy Spirit brings life back to entire communities of people. This has been encouraging for me as I have transitioned our of SPU, and am now in the process of transitioning into graduate school at Whitworth (even though I’m now even there yet). I have re-read this chapter numerous times, and it has given me hope for what Holy Spirit can do, even in the most depraved situations. Now, my life is far from depraved, but even in my moments of panic, fear, stress, and overwhelming exhaustion, God has been made very known in my life. It hasn’t been easy the last few weeks to pick up my Bible and study scripture, and It hasn’t been easy to commit to my prayer life regularly, but I have fought that to the best of my ability, for I know God is real, and is beside me as I walk through this life.

I encourage everyone to order and read this book. It will leave an impact I guarantee it.

Jack, thank you for giving us an accessible way to study doctrine. You have had such a huge impact on my life as a twenty-something trying to find her way through this world of chaos. Thank you for the continuous reminder to just breathe. Breathe in Holy spirit breath.

Holy Spirit, fill my lungs, that I might better be able to serve your people.

 

“Shine on in, give these dead bones life”–David Crowder